I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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