dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
