so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
