I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I intend to get homeless drunk
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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