Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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