I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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