I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
