I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
