I think scott just propositioned me for sex
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I want to have your abortion
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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