dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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