well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
