if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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