Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
