fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
4 words: hood of his car
My cat gives me a boner
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
