remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
