normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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