Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we're making bets on your personal life
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
