what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
