HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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