The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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