he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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