just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
