You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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