Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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