I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
