I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
