I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
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how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
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It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
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