I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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