Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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