my vag is so smooth its legendary
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
