oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
