dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
