his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
