is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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