he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
