i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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