I am spending my child support on dildos
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
