I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
