If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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