Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Houston, we have a squirter
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
