I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
