I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
