She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
