We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
