I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
