The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
