new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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