Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
