Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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