Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
