I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
