Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
