Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize