it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
