i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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