Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
