And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Ketchup is God's man juice
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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