He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
