He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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