I'm going to rape someone's good day.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
