Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
