Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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