Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
