You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
