as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
