I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
