Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
