My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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