This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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