it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
