I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
